Well it's the beginning of the year...

And I'm going to use this more as a journal than anything else. I love writing in notebooks, but I don't find the time or don't have a pretty enough book or shiny enough pen...always something. Hopefully writing something down every day will help with the crap that haunts me every day. I'm not sure, don't remember where I was or what I was doing the last time that I updated this blog, so I'll just update to what I am now: I live alone with my kids, my ex gets them one week and I get them the next. Actually that was the beginning of the agreement but for the past two months that has only been the arrangement for my daughter who is 7 because my 14 year old son is currently living full time with me. He did something stupid and then his 40 year old dad did something stupid in return and since two wrongs don't make a right my son has decided to stay and live with me full time "permanently" he says. Both of them are hard headed so who knows how long this will last, it might actually BE forever. I don't have a problem with this, but I do hope they forgive each other for each other's sake. I work full time and come home and do the mom thing and I'm exhausted....like I'm pretty sure most moms are. So it's the beginning of the year and I don't have resolutions per se, I have things that I would love to accomplish: Eat better, move more, save money, go to church...those are my basics anyway. I got a FitBit for Christmas and I have a gym membership that I pay every month, and I hope that that helps with the moving more part. I've lost weight in the past so I know how to keep a balanced diet...I just need to stick with it. Snacking is my downfall. As for saving money, I don't make a lot and most of my money goes to my expenses but there needs to be a way that I can squeeze a little bit to put away...it's totally necessary. I also need to find a church that I'm comfortable with and love so that I can start taking the kids and myself too. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I love and who loves me but I'm not sure exactly where we stand other than we love each other and we're at a standstill...for about the past year. In a deadlock about seeing each other when and who will move where...for now it is what it is. And he's told me that being this way is better than being alone so I know how he feels and I guess until one of us gets tired of the 45 minute drive it is what it is. I'm all over the place with this, but I'm just trying to get my feelings into order. Hopefully the next post will be a lot better.

So this is me at the beginning of 2016, onto hopefully bigger and better things this year. Onward and forward

I'm baaacckk....

I'm back from the dead yet again. Not sure for how long this time but I'm sure that it doesn't really matter as I don't think anyone reads this blog. I think I'm writing for myself, writing therapy...since real therapy didn't stick this time around. Go figure. Whatever it is, if it makes me feel good without hurting others it can't be bad, right? So, I'm 32 and I'm a mother of a 13 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. They are the loves of my life. Period. The end. I separated from the "Hubby" last year. I didn't cheat on him, he didn't cheat on me...it just dissolved. Or he might say that I dissolved it, and maybe I did, but I just couldn't keep going anymore. Maybe it was me, maybe it was him, maybe my mental-emotional state at the time...who knows. Whatever it was, I couldn't be one more day in the relationship. I killed a lot of things with my decision but I think we are both over the days where we wake up lamenting what happened. We've moved on with our lives. He got a hot new girlfriend and I got meds...and a new boyfriend too :) I live in a big old house with my brothers and parents and kids...one big happy, for sure (except on the rare occasions when it's not). We all help each other out, they definitely help me out BIG time when it comes to my kids...especially my parents. They had already retired to Mexico when they realized that they missed us greatly. They came to visit at the end of last year and haven't gone back since. Who am I to kick out my loving parents who love to babysit my kids and cook for me and take care of me? Nobody, that's who. And I love them and they love me. I still love photography, still love to read, love crafts and card-making and artsy stuff in general. And while I'm not as in good shape as I was last year, I am bound and determined to get healthier. So that's my life in a nutshell for now.

Cheap and essential foods to have in a kitchen

Cheap and essential foods to have in a kitchen

How time flies

Oh my goodness how time is flying. It's nice to be back on the blog but I have no time :( I am currently a full time mommy, have a full time job and have a full time school schedule keeping me busy. The only "ME" time that I have is about an hour and half after my kids go to sleep. I wish I had more time.

The Simple Things

I'm trying to push myself with my photography, so here's a picture I took on Friday while on my daughter's first field trip. We went to an apple cider mill and while the trip itself was pretty uneventful it was great seeing her in a totally new environment and situation. I was so glad that I got to go even if I was pretty sick with Bronchitis.

Isn't life grand?

Well, this is a sarcastic title...let me explain:I got a call from my friend who said that she needs $1700 by the 28th in order to not take my hubby to court. Again, let me explain: my hubby didn't have enough credit to get a car therefore she cosigned with him. He had to go "away" for a couple of months (18 to be exact) and he left his car with a "friend" in order to have this person pay the car off while he was away. This friend stopped paying the car, would not answer our calls or texts and racked up tickets left and right almost every single day for a couple of months (how this car didn't get towed away sooner is beyond me)The car was finally recuperated by the financing company and now besides the fact that there is a lot of debt out there pending as to car payments, there is now $1700 in ticket debt to the city of residence of said "friend". That's where my friend comes in...besides the fact that she is furious regarding the financing debt that is due, there is also the ticket money that needs to be paid before July 28th or else her license will be suspended until paid. My hubby is not in a position whatsoever to pay any of these bills right now and even though it is not "technically" my responsibility, of course it's my responsibility! I've spent all my evening crying because I have no idea how to get this money and I really don't want my Hubby taken back to court and maybe even put away. I am upset and sad and angry and so many things at the same time; that's how I went to bed...very forlorn outlook on life.

I woke up this morning with hope, feeling lots better than I did last night and I was running an errand for my dad at about 9am. About 3 blocks from my house a car ran a Stop sign and hit my car. I had the right of way and thank God was going about 20MPH and she was going pretty slow as well when she turned and hit my car. Nobody was hurt in any of the cars but I was so upset; I think she started off thinking that it was my fault because she started off screaming at me as to why I hadn't stopped. I told her that I didn't have a Stop, but she did...I don't think she believed it until another driver that had witnessed the crash told her that she was wrong. I was at the site for about an hour and 15 minutes until the cops came and made a report and such. I got a ticket for expired license plates which I was going to get this week...so much shit going on in my life right now that I feel like SCREAMING!!!

But we have to look on the good side right? My kids are healthy, nobody got hurt, I have insurance, my car is driveable...so many things...but I still have such a bad, bad headache today!

Aspiring photographer

Have I ever mentioned that I'm an aspiring photographer? I currently do not own a fancy camera (I'm lucky to have a point and shoot) and am unable to afford all the fancy programs but oh, do I love to take pictures. One of my dreams for when I grow up is to be a freelance/hobby photographer. I love looking at beautiful photographs online and I think that the Internet era has made it so much easier for people with aspirations like mine to find inspiration and tutorials for so much. I know that that's not the only thing needed, but it sure helps.
As I was looking through my camera's memory chip yesterday I was surprised to see mostly pictures of my 9 month old daughter and not as many of my 8 year old son...hmm...I wonder why? I'm rationalizing that he's not doing as much interesting stuff as he used to (playing video games, summer schoolwork...eh, not so fun) whereas my daugher is discovering so much (eating my moms flowers from the garden, trying to touch the cat while at the same time kind of scared); then again there's that fact that she's so much more a willing subject to photograph than my son is. I hope he never asks me where all his pictures from his 8th year on have gone, because I'll have no idea what to tell him. Oh well, I know there's a shoebox full of pictures of him somewhere in here :)

Places I find inspiration: shuttersisters.com, pioneerwoman.com